*clears throat*
UGGS
PJ PANTS
SWEATPANTS
TRACKSUITS
NORTH FACES
You are charged each with multiple counts of fugliness, laziness, and disturbing my eyes.
Ladies and gay men of the jury, this is a case about lazy dressing. A case about the offending garments' contribution to an era of sloppiness and disregard for polish. After a particularly harsh winter of triple whammy combinations of north faces, sweatpants, and uggs, it has come to light that not only have these offending garments been corrupting teenage style, they have been
erasing it altogether.
What was once a vibrant world of color and endearing bad choices (neon! cut-outs) is now a wasteland of mindless adherence to the offending garments, which in addition to being uncreative are plain ugly. This reliance has created a teenage style sloppier than grunge and fuglier than shoulder pads.
The prosecution presents exhibit A:
(The prosecution spent like 20 minutes drawing this, don't make fun of it)
Observe, how the unfortunate creature dressed in three of the offending garments looks messy, unattractive and frightened (perhaps she saw her reflection?). But then, observe as the soul sucking offending clothes are shed and she becomes a fabulous creature of style!
Ladies, think back to the couture days of old, when one did not go out in public without a pair of crisp white gloves. Think back to the days when men wore three piece suits downtown and shiny shoes. We know this era is gone, and new, revolutionary things have come. The offending garments are not part of this new era of style. They are heinous objects of reliance for a new generation, and may well remain so unless consequences are incurred now. Ladies, I refer to the death penalty.
I find the offending garments guilty, guilty, guilty!
PS. All hate mail can be sent to teixeira.lauren@gmail.com. Let the defense make its case!
